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Knowing…
There’s nothing quite like knowing…
It’s one thing to wake up in the morning and then begin to plan your day… hec i’ve done that on one too many weekends… but take into perspective your whole life being a “play as you go” script, then it suddenly gets a wee bit scarier (that word looks wierd) innit?

Personally, i find comfort in knowing. Hence my obsession with planing. I detest uncertainty. Like how can you not know whats next? *shudders* Right from secondary school i’ve been one to make plans, set targets and aspire to certain heights. And when i make these plans it’s usually a plan A, plan B, plan C type of thing… 26 letters in the english alphabet gives me quite some room. I think i do it so that i never have to get caught in the middle of the journey trying to figure out what turn to take. I envy care-free people. Being carefree is a luxury i was never blessed with. Once i determine the level of importance of something i loose my ability to be carefree about it, that is assuming i determine that thing to be important in the first place. A lot of us find ourselves in this position. Planning, planning, planning. Then God shows up…

I choose to say “God” because i’m born-again and it’s been a while since i prayed the 2 timothy 1 vs 12 prayer… it’s also the Psalm 80 vs 1 prayer, the Joseph story… You see, when God assumes control of your life, fate becomes nothing but a tool in His hands… things happen in life, some good, some bad, however, HE has assumed control. So the trick is HE doesn’t promise that no bad thing will happen, but HE promises that ALL THINGS (GOOD AND BAD), will work together for your good. There’s just one itsy bitsy problem… I’M A PLANNER.

You see, Joseph was only told the end… the end was his family bowing down to him. He wasn’t told the path… ergo my favorite remix of scripture… “the thoughts HE has towards us are gonna bring us to the expected end, but not through the expected path”…”for HIS ways (paths) are far from our ways (paths)…”. Now that means you’re inadvertedly gonna be dragged off your maped out course if you give HIM full control. Who would’a guessed that the pit, portiphars house and prison were nothing but steps to the palace. But joseph would never have planned it that way. Thats my fix. I find out that things arn’t working exactly how i planned but i still hear this gentle voice tell me “shébi you’ve given Me control? Just relax, I’m in control”… but i can’t relax… Joseph in the pit would never relax… He’d fight till he came out. Hindsight is 20/20. But while in the pit, you don’t know where the next meal is coming from, you don’t know if an animal will eat you up, you don’t know wether to reckon that voice telling you “Relax, I’m in control” as your early stages of insanity… in the pit, you begin to look at the waves, and the waves can only make you sink…

The pit… in the pit, you don’t know whats next. And that drives an avid planner like me mad… but i guess thats what He’s tryna teach me. He’s let the pit come upon me so that i’ll learn to still have peace even when i don’t know the outcome… I’m getting there… Peace… when i don’t know the outcome… 

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