So i picked up my phone and decided to blog again. As you must have noticed by now my blog posts are as scarce as an eighteen year-old unbreached hymen (a story for another day), this world sha…
So what have i been up to? Well, the other day i was featured on kelvin steve’s blog. You can read it with this link. In fact… go there and read it first. I don’t have time to expain everything.

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Now assuming u read that post (If you didn’t, You’re On your own), you probably know a little about me. So now, lets answer my earlier question, what have i been up to…
For starters… NO, i didn’t quit my job… yet. I wasn’t kidding. I’m actually going to quit. I just need certain things to fall into place first. I have my proffesional engineering license exam coming up in less than two months and i havn’t even opened a single page to study… Uniben followed me sha. Fire brigade something. Guess it’s a Nigerian thing. God help me read. Chemi did come over and go back to naija, and it was fun… till the reality that we arn’t kids anymore hit me. Oh, one last thing, I’m actually on talking terms with my dad again #Lowkey (more on that later).
In other news, i actually am not in the best of places right now. Spiritually speaking that is. This perfection thing is a long thing. It’s like this last sixth month has been the hardest, not cuz i have pressures weighed in all around me but because i’ve sort of given up. I had one prayer-point when i left Naija after graduating and God spoke, directly this time. He told me “Six Months”. That was all i heard. What does six months even mean? I presumed it meant i would have to wait for six months before i got the answer. So i began the countdown from the day i came back to yankee. And by that count, today, as i type this, makes it 5 months and 14days… just 16days to go. Now by faith i know my answer is only a few days away… but i’m tired. This situation has sooo broken me, that the utter feeling of pain has forced me to stop looking on. Coping is sometimes easier when you don’t see the end. I’ve literally prayed for Him to let the cup pass me by and give me a less glorious answer before the said six months but nothing has changed and my biggest problem is that unlike most people, trouble pushes me AWAY from HIM not toward HIM. Its a pride thing (which i’m working on).
I love to worship God. I’m a worshiper. And as such i like to loose myself in His presence. However, i once preached a message back in school. It was about people who seek Gods hands only and never His face. That message did something bad to me. I didn’t know it at the time though. It made me NEVER get into the place of worship with a request on my lips. No matter how bad things got, i never wanted to be one of those “Hand-seekers” so i never worshiped God just to ask for anything. It’s like i was trying to prove to Him that i loved “Him” and not what He could do for me. How naive. He’s omniscient. He knows how far my love for Him goes, assuming it goes far at all…
So you see, the underlying motive for that action was pride. I know that now. When you can’t ask your father for something, it’s pride. That’s why He’s your father. You were built to be dependent on Him. Jesus said “For without me, Ye can do nothing”. However knowing is only half the solution, the other half is getting comfortable enough to ask Him with the knowledge that you are a Son. See, particularly in the last two months i’ve been at places where i literally screamed for Him to help me. But i know He only responds to such cries when one is ignorant. I’m not ignorant. I make such pitiful pleas out of exasperation. Not in faith. When peter cried out to Jesus while he was sinking, it wasn’t a cry of Faith. God has let the “pit” (see my last blogpost) come upon me to teach me how to be comfortable in depending on Him. Now He’s waiting for me to ask Him to bring me out. Not out of fear, not merely in hope, not because i only have enough money to take care of myself and nothing more. But because He said it would be Six months. Faith comes by hearing, and Hearing by the word of God. I heared Gods word back in Uniben, He said six months, I therefore have faith, because i heard the word, and so i ask… Here goes…

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You might have noticed the post was incoherent. I was just talking to myself and ended up going elsewhere from where i initially intended. I apologise.

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