If there’s something i love this blog for it’s the fact that it serves as my shrink. So am gonna try to psycho-analize myself today. It’s based on a trend i’ve noticed which isn’t the direction i tow, but still my own direction is probably no good either…
I’m used to hearing people being called pretenders, hypocrites, etc. A hypocrite is someone who behaves contrary to his proffesion or true nature while in view of others. Going by this definition i’ve decided to boldly admit that i’m a hypocrite. But not for the reasons you think.
This blog shows the real me. The me who comes out on my bed, after a long hard day. The me when no one is around. The me who is made anonymous by virtue of this ball-mask called the web. Anonymity brings us out. It lowers our defences since stigma can’t come into play. So we become our real selves, shed our exoskeletons and unveil our inner beings. I love anonymity. Now here’s my hypocrisy. I tend to be everyone’s guy in public. I’m not quiet, i’m quite blunt. I use profanity. I’m much of a snot-nosed brute. Like i said… it’s all hypocrisy. Because the real me when no one else is around, would rather put on a chris tomlin album than a pop song, i’d rather get lost in worship listening to a hillsong cd, than watch the raciest primetime show. This is me. I constantly, constantly (wether alone or with people) catch myself talking to God. I almost cant do without Talking to Him. Asides when in the place of worship i havn’t cried in 6 years. Yet in His presence i cry almost everytime. I constantly seek my connection with Him in worship and in communion.
So which is the real me? The loud mouth whom no one believes was ever a pastor due to his “carnal” mannerisms? Or the Guy who is doing 70 mph on the houston interstate, just so he can get home and put hillsongs “hossanna” on the stereo, and loose himself in worship… who am i?…

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