So they say prisoners get only one phone call.
I’ve saved this one since I got here because I knew I was gonna need it…
*Dials number*
Beep, beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep.. beep beep… *voicemail*.
*Hangs up and redials*
Beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… *voicemail*…
*sigh*… I might as well…
Hey, it’s me. You already know where I am. Its hell here. This is not as easy as you said it would be. I thought I had enough in my tank to push me through but right now, I’m running on reserve. These walls seem to get a little smaller with each passing morning. My bed smells of depression right now. I know you said to trust you and not look at the waves, I’m not looking at them, but the knowledge that they are real, and there, is starting to make me sink. Word got to me in here that you’re planning something, trying to get me out of here. But as I last heard, the letter was on your desk and you havn’t signed it. Why? Because you believe I havn’t learned what you want me to?
At this point I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Here’s things I’m sure of… you’re real. You know me. And you love me. Here’s things I’m not sure of… what you’re willing to let me go through to teach me a lesson. “Whom the father loves he chastiseth” right? Spare me all that please. Chastising is not fun. I’m in a fucking prison for crying out loud. And nothing sears my heart more than knowing I’ll be out of here at the snap of your finger. Yet those fingers stay idle, unsnaped.
I don’t even know what you want me to learn here anymore. I almost keep seeing new lessons everyday. You want me to understand that This family comes first, not just in my words and heart, but in my actions and mind. That’s tricky. I’m in my “stupid years”. Its not really in my power to stop these things. I know I can, but do I really want to fight with self at this point? Self doesn’t think so. How did you say it again, “the things I want to do, I do not, the things I would not do, I find myself doing”? Yes, that’s me right now.
Look, putting you first is not a problem. But I don’t want to do it just because its the only thing that gets me out of here. Because once I’m out, I’ll relegate you again. Bring me out, and THEN I will put you first.
That’s funny, because nobody negotiates with you right? Well, I will… because of who I am… Blood has eternally sealed that…
And there is NOTHING that can change that.
So, That is my counter offer.
I’ll be here, in prison, waiting…
And you will come through…
It’s who you are.
Love, Your Son, in prison.