Okay. I’m actually very suprised people read this blog. I never post links on twitter or facebook, but in the last 2 days 7 people have asked me when next I would be writing something. That’s mildly flattering. That I have an audience is… flattering. The idea behind this blog was to have a personal diary. To chronicle my personal experiences as they played themselves out. Nonetheless, I thank you guys for your followership. And I hope you’ve been able to take something from these writings so far. I actually had a post that was to go up three days ago, but I mistakenly erased it because of NBA semifinals, (don’t ask).
Lol. Anyways. To the post.
You know how you get used to prison, so much so that you forget there is an “out there” and you start thinking about how to make your confined niche comfortable? Yes. That’s where I am.
At first every breath was a “Get me out of here” plea/Prayer. But I’ve been waiting for so long, I’ve sort of stopped. Sort of…
Not like I’ve given up, but I’ve realised that I’m here for a season, and no amount of “activity” will change that. I’ve also realised that there is a lesson here. Actually, there are LESSONS here. These are lessons that would be needed in the palace. Without these lessons being learned, my destiny of saving egypt will not come to fruition. He’s sent word to me in prison. How I should learn to give my best when I expect nothing in return. You see, Giving my best without reward is hard. Being made the head of prisoners doesn’t make you anything more than a prisoner, or get you out on parole early. If anything, all you get in return is prisonyard scuffles born out of envy and spite at your caretaker status. Give my all, really?
I’ve always been lazy. Always. That’s why I was home chilling when my brothers were tilling the fields back in egypt. Dad had to get me out of the barn to go give them food. I never do stuff unless I absolutely have to. I always look for ways around tasks such that the objective can be reached without having to do the work. Only problem is, that results in half ass results more often than not. This, He sees as a problem.
My release from this prison has been predicated on one thing. Give Him my all. I have to give my all knowing I won’t get rewarded for it before I get out of this prison. And that “all” is so broad. So wide. I was praying in my heart as I drove to work the other day and asking him to do something, and adam lamberts – “what do you want from me” came on the radio. It’s weird but I know that I know that He spoke to me using that song. His ways are mysterious ey? Using a secular song by a gay artiste to speak His message
That’s a story for another day. But the songs chorus itself says “just don’t give up, I’m working it out, please don’t give in, I won’t let you down…”. That was one of the strongest inner witnesses I ever had to Him speaking to me. I was sure that was Him talking to me. I decided to cheer up, and He kept speaking. He told me about how being faithful in little was the pre-requisite for being handed “much” to be faithful about. He reminded me of the story of the servant who buried his talent because he felt he was better than being given 1 talent. That servant was right. He was better than 1. But you see, what was being tried was not his business acumen and worth, but His dependability abd dedication. He lacked those. He’s teaching me dedication. He’s teaching me to keep hitting at my target as though I was offered utopia for attaining it even though I wasn’t even offered a drink of water. He’s teaching me how to work more than I get paid for so that I’ll later get paid for much more work than I do. However, the work comes first. I must sweat, cry, toil and exert myself, and receive no reward for it, and still keep a fucking smile on my face while doing it. Such that people will wonder if I’ve gone mad. Because they do not know where such a work ethic comes from.
I must endure hardship in this prison, and forge the tools that will deliver egypt in the future. Dedication, discipline and a great work ethic. You might ask why He told me to “keep Him first”? Its the understanding that anything I do, I do for Him. I do for His glory, I do to show what He can do, because as He is, So I am in this world. So when I half ass my work, I’m basically saying He’s a half ass person because I’ve put my conveinience over His reputation. Putting him first means doing a perfect job, the hard and effective way and getting no credit for it. And yes, I’ve decided to put Him first. I will work this prison till they know That there has to be something else driving me, another driving force. And when they ask? I’ll tell them “If I don’t give my ALL, I’ve just as well given NOTHING.”
It’s all or nothing. 100%.