I cried on that flight.
I was coming to a new country. Literally did not know where I was going to live. I was to spend the first few nights with an acquaintance of my baby sister and then try to get an apartment in one week. I had four hundred dollars to my name, three hundred of which I had borrowed from my brother’s friend. The plan was to get an apartment AND get a job in time to pay my next rent in 30 days. I knew nobody. Had no connections. No friends. No hope, but my gut and my God.
Of course I cried on that flight.
“Rachel” had left me right before I came. I hate to call him Rachel because in the real story Rachel was loved. I don’t love this dude. Not one bit. Maybe even a little hate. Even till now. By the way, ever wondered why I call him “Rachel” and call her “Jacob”? Well, Because Jacob sticks with you in the story. Loves you more, Longer. Jacob also has a lot more significance on a spiritual and metaphorical level. Rachel was just a transit character. In the grand design of the story? Her (His) relevance was just in bringing Joseph into existence. I feel the same about him. He is only relevant because I came from his sperm. Nothing more. He lived in the same city I was on my way to. Had the financial means to take care of me and my sister and family. But he wanted nothing to do with us.
Yeah, I cried on that flight.
So there I was, at the Airport, eyes dried up. Fake smile put in place, waiting for my sister to show up at the airport. One thing that I could hold on to? I wasn’t alone. It was me and her against the world. Kinda how it’s always been, even back since Canaan, since Bethel. It was a new country, Egypt. I was doomed. Then I saw her, said hello, hugged her… and smiled.
It’s taken me a month to write this post. I’ve had a hard time deciding what it would look like. A praise session? A summary of the journey? Some abstract outpouring of the “Happy” I feel? All of the above? I didn’t know. Still don’t. Everything I settled on felt like an understatement.
I just got back from Canaan, from Bethel. I saw Jacob after a long time. I love that woman. She does this thing where she’s so happy when she’s with me. It’s crazy. The last two weeks? Probably the happiest I’ve been in years. Not surprising. Bethel is home. It’s all I knew for the first 19 years of my life. I ate premium suya, had asun, drank orijin for the first time, went flying, went playing, had heart to hearts with old friends from back then. Met new ones. I sang, I laughed, I danced, I loved. It was every good feeling I needed to feel. It was every feeling “leaving prison” should feel like.
I. Was. Happy.
I still am. It’ll take a while to get me out of this happiness.
I’m in the palace right now. This is where I live out the rest of my days according to the story. I may be moved around a bit, but I’ll generally stay in Egyptian Government. This blog was about my journey here. Those who know me know what I mean. But the palace isn’t just a Career place, or a financial place, or an emotional place. At different times in the last 4 years I’ve been in great places in different areas of my life. This is different, because here in the palace, I’m great in EVERY area of my life, simultaneously. That is what makes it the Palace. I’m in a position of influence. I’ve settled my family. I’ve settled Jacob. I will continue to settle Jacob. I love her so much. Last week, when she said “Nugwa, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, will bless you for me”, my heart tore. I let out a couple of tears. She’s everything to me. She’s been through so much. Especially at the hands of that idiot Rachel. I’m happy that I was able to settle her. I’m happy that I’m able to settle her. God will help me keep settling her.
The last few years? Particularly the first two? Hell. I have been at so many lows that I’ve stopped counting. Read back on this blog and you’ll see them. Even though I was never explicit in documenting my struggles I kept giving hints and slices. Being sold into slavery was hell. Being picked out and sent to Potiphar’s was hell. I got mistreated there. I was physically beaten by my Boss. Yes. It happened lol. Sent packing. I was hungry, I was tired, I was broken. Stories of Jacob suffering killed me, more because at the time, I could do nothing to alleviate it. I was down, and out.
But in everything, This God never let me out of his sight. He held my hand, and put me in Potiphar’s house. He saw the mistreatment, but two years later I realized he let that happen so I could get the thick skin I needed to survive prison. Prison was rough, initially at least. Food was still a problem. But God had begun to settle me. He took me through, gave me a plan. The escape route. I held on to it. Gave me dreams. Remember my post on “Bowing sheaves”. Dreams like those kept me going. If not for This God, I don’t know how I would have survived.
He formed my escape route, and put me on it. Orchestrated the people I needed to meet to get there. Dropped a couple of unexplainable events along the way lest the world convince me it was all hardwork and natural effort. Little miracles. Stuff to keep you cognizant of the fact that this was a series of unexplainable miraculously coincidental events. Don’t get me wrong guys, Hardwork is still hardwork. But he needs to see you do your best, take yourself as far as your best can take you, then pick you up from there when you give up because you just can’t go on anymore. Faith without works is dead. He doesn’t start the supernatural, until you’ve exhausted the natural. So yeah, work, and work as hard as you can. He’ll handle the rest.
I’ve been in the palace for a couple of days, and for my melodramatic readers who were expecting some depressing “Palace was overhyped” bullshit, sorry to disappoint you; The palace is everything I hoped it’d be and more. Not even necessarily in the fanciness of the place, it’s the peace. Like see, I’m at peace. I’m settled. I’m settled financially, emotionally. Jacob and Judah are settled. My existence is settled. Perfect peace. That’s what the palace is. And it’s not just internal. It’s not the “Peace in the middle of a storm” peace. It’s peace because I’ve looked around me and everything is peaceful. Everything is happy. I’m happy. The one emptiness I was feeling? I filled it when I went back to Canaan and saw Jacob. I’m now TOTALLY at Peace. I’m happy. This is the palace, this is home.
If you’re a David currently in your Adullam cave, or a Moses on Sinai, or a Joshua in the Wilderness with Moses, or a Paul right after Ananias had helped restore his sight, or a Jesus, yes him too, in his 40 days pre ministry prep, just remember one thing; This God has a plan. The road may be rough, sorry, WILL be rough. But it’s simply because, He knows a shortcut. I could have still gotten to where I am, but it would have taken much longer. Getting sold into slavery was meant for my harm, but he turned it out for my good. What he promised in Jeremiah 29 vs 11, was that He would get you to the END AND THE EXPECTATION (Message translation) he never promised it’d be through the path you thought. So if you feel waaaaay off track, hold on. He knows a short cut.
This post was an anti-climax. I’ve written some epic posts over the last 4 years to have the story end like this. But you see the thing with feeling at peace? There’s no drama. And without drama, there’s no “gish-gish” to give you. I’m just happy. I don’t know what else to say. Hold on. If you’re on your journey? Hold on.
I’m still on my journey, but I know this chapter is over. It’s supposed to be 7 years of plenty next, before 7 years of famine. As far as I know, the preparation during my seven years of plenty will determine my flexing during the famine. I’m ready. I won’t be giving you stories from the palace though. This is my last post here. If I feel the need to write more, I’ll open a new blog. Need to reach me? Twitter: @nugwatweets. Email me at nugwaoyih at gmail dot com. I’d like to hear your stories and encourage you as best as I can. As well as pray for you. I know the importance of having people pray for and with you.
For me and This God, hold on, hold on through your journey, because he knows a short-cut.
Signing out from the palace,
Your boy, now a man, Joseph.